Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
