I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
