Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
