Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
