I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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