You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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