So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
