My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
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