she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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