i jhust puked up my retainher.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
