i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize