She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
