I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
