Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
