Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
