Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
