Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
