I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FOUND THE LEGS
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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