i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
