I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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