need another drink. this is the easiest way
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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