Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
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