I just threw up on my dentist
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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