is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
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I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
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drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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