So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
