we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
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i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
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I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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