His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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