Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
