shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
