before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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