i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
