Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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