It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize