I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
