I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I wish I only lived at night.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
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I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
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We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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