YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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