you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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