I wish I could teleport
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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