After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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