Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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