Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
