i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
