dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
