i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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