home. puking in laundry basket.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
