wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
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She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
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I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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