There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize