I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
