i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
