you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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