omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
