Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
