You're my little dorito
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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