I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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