just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
