Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
