I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
