I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The maid of honor just puked.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
