remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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