Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
