She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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