Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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