she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
