I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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