I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
