I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
