I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
