A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
